Football, Beer and Food

By Bart Colucci

Open Space Restoration combines nature with fiction, so to get the most out of each writing here is a brief trackline for this story:    Global Warming has yet to be proven and it is now being referred to as  Climate Change.  The lobsters with football helmets on their claws, Zack, Brad, Royal Palm Beach Ale House,  and  a town in Maine called Boothbay are all true.

“ALL ANIMALS ARE EQUAL, BUT SOME ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS”
- George Orwell, Animal Farm, Ch. 10.

At the Royal Palm Beach Ale House in Royal Palm Beach Florida it is the have nots that have the advantage.      For $2.00 you get one try to win a lobster by clawing the lobster mechanically from the lobster claw game tank.  You will have 30 seconds to pull it off. (authors note: one hour continuous play would cost $240.00)

If you are fortunate  enough to claw a lobster, the chef at the Ale House will gladly cook it for you free of charge, minus the dollars you dumped into the machine of course.

If you claw the lobster with an “NFL”  football helmet attached to it’s claw you also get a free steak.

This is were the science of Global Warming comes into play.  Follow me on this one:  If  cows or the flatulence of said cows cause Global Warming, and steaks come form the loins of cows, and you win a helmet clad lobster,  you and the lobster have contributed to Global Warming.

Fortunately,  last night at the Ale House,  our  earth’s temperature was not impacted as Zack successfully clawed a “helmetless”  lobster.  In fact,  Zack  is so good at clawing Lobsters that his father Brad tells me that he is known all the way up to Boothbay Maine for his ability to”crush the crustacean”, (Note:” crush the crustacean”   is just a sports metaphor, the lobster was not harmed at all until h20 reached 212 degrees Fahrenheit.  Once trapped in the ocean it is an inevitable fate. )  Brad who funds his son’s gaming stipends plans to take the lobster home and muster up some Lobster Linguine.

Back to Orwell’s Animal farm,  really what chance does the lobster have with a helmet on it’s claw.   Unfairly targeted because its affiliated with a football team and a victim of some gratuitous cross merchandising marketing scheme,  combining football, beer and food. (Insert American Flag Here)     The Lobster now an innocent victim of Global Warming,  “steaking”  out a new era for the stalk-eyed decapod.