By Bart Colucci
Here is a list of other professions that could have proven more dangerous for Tiger Woods during the early morning hours of November 27, 2009. Based on a news story regarding professional golfer, Tiger Woods’ wife breaking his rear car window with a golf club in order to free Tiger after he lost in a game of chicken with a fire hydrant. Or the speculation that she may of broke the window in a fit of rage because of Tigers’ alleged affair with Rachel Uchitel.
10. Professional Snake Handler – Throws Mamba Snake through open side window as Tiger drives away.
9. Professional Trapshooter – Uses Tiger’s 12-gauge shot gun to blow out rear window.
8. Certified Mechanic – Shotputs Harmonic Balancer through the moonroof.
7. Preacher – Hurls outreach bands’ electrical guitar amp at side door.
6. Professional Gambler – Calls Vegas and bets $100k on an over-under on the divorce settlement amount.
5. Plastic Surgeon – Splatters unused saline breast implants on Tiger’s front window shield.
4. Video Game Creator – Throws Atari Collectors Edition under tires.
3. Cactus Salesman – Slings Barrel Cactus in terracotta pot, breaks Tiger’s side mirror.
2. Fortune Cookie Message Writer – Maniacally changes lucky numbers. Chinese restaurant patrons across the U.S. inexplicably start winning the lotto.
1. Politician – Reads entire 2000+ page Healthcare Bill page by page before Tiger Woods is allowed to leave the house. She’s on page 365 as I write.
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